I'd like to talk about dating for people who are physically disabled.
Dating for anyone is hard, but it's much harder for those with a disability, especially if they are seeking someone who is able-bodied. Unfortunately, there are so many assumptions and myths about dating someone disabled that seem to turn people who aren't disabled off to even considering an inter-abled relationship. I'm going to discuss some of these myths and assumptions and attempt to debunk them all. Hopefully I can sway peoples opinions and make inter-abled relationships more common. Whether a short or long term relationship or a companionship(which I'm seeking for the moment) or you know even just a friendship. So here we go!
- We can't have sex
The most common myth is that we are limited in intimacy and cannot have a fulfilling sex life. This just isn't true! Great sex is possible if you have a body and a brain. The media often presents a distorted image of how sex should be, featuring people with perfect bodies engaging in intense pornographic acts. This negatively affects everyone, disabled or not. Creative thinking, imagination, and good communication are the key ingredients for a satisfying sex life, and they are accessible to all.
- Disabled people are incapable of love
Of all the myths, this is absolutely the most untrue. Dismissing the ability of a disabled person to love and care for a partner perpetuates harmful stereotypes. Physical ability does not limit the emotional capacity of individuals with disabilities to express love and affection. In fact, individuals with disabilities might even demonstrate it better than those without disabilities. Our only desire is to receive love and affection.
- Our disability is a burden
Some able-bodied people might see the disability and assume they will be required to tolerate unreasonable burdens or responsibilities. This is also an untrue assumption. Having a disability is not a burden. Many people with disabilities can fulfil their own basic needs without help. Assistance from loved ones and caregivers is necessary not only for individuals with disabilities, but also for members of the able-bodied community who require support in different ways. Those with disabilities can provide emotional support, compassion, and companionship to their partners. Relationships involving disability are no different from able relationships as they require mutual effort.
- Dating someone with a disability will be boring
There's a common belief that individuals with disabilities can't take part in fun activities such as travel, concerts, and festivals. This is FALSE. People with disabilities may have different needs or may use different supports to take part in fun activities, but they can enjoy the same things that able-bodied people enjoy. Like any group of people, people with disabilities are diverse, and they approach life from many perspectives.
- Dating with a disability is awkward
Not true. Dating with a disability can feel awkward, but that's just a common experience in the dating world in general. While disabilities may lead to early candid conversations, they don't have to be the determining factor in the comfort level between two individuals. People with disabilities are as varied and multi-faceted as able-bodied people. They have hopes, dreams, families, hobbies, jobs, and responsibilities. There's so much more to discuss aside from disability and illness.
- People with disabilities are more likely to get offended
This is not true. When it comes to educating others about their conditions, many people with disabilities have a great sense of humor and patience. Sometimes, people without disabilities worry about accidentally miscommunicating or offending those with disabilities, but overly cautious language is usually unnecessary. While it’s important to be as respectful and kind as possible, people with disabilities don’t need the people around them to walk on eggshells.
- It's not possible for people with disabilities to have normal dates
This is not true. People with disabilities enjoy the same things as able-bodied people, including dating. People with disabilities can engage in common date activities, such as going to a movie, sporting event, or fancy restaurant. Sometimes, accommodations need to be made. For example, a person with mobility restrictions may need to park closer to the cinema door, or someone who lives with food restrictions may opt for a date that doesn’t involve a meal. These choices are simple and do not destroy the possibility of a great new relationship.
- We can only date within the disabled community
Many people think that individuals with disabilities can only be in relationships with others who have similar disabilities. This is untrue. A shared understanding of disability isn't necessary for a healthy relationship. People with disabilities have full identities. They can find mutual interests and fall in love with able-bodied people as well as other people with disabilities.
- It's not easy for people with disabilities to meet new people
This is not true either. Just like able-bodied individuals, people with disabilities have fulfilling and diverse lives. They engage in education, work, volunteer activities, and hobbies. People with disabilities are more than capable of meeting new people, in the same ways and places that able-bodied people would do so.
- There's no one out there for us
Sadly, many people with disabilities worry that there’s no one out there for them, but this is untrue. Disability does not need to be a barrier to finding true love, as many people with disabilities have successfully dated. Although finding meaningful connections can be difficult, disability should not be a barrier to finding a soulmate with billions of potential matches.
People in general often struggle with dating, but having a disability doesn't, nor should it, affect one's potential to find true love. Having an open mind and self-confidence is crucial for finding a good, healthy relationship.
Recently, I began looking for someone of my own. I’m just looking for a companionship with a woman, at least for the time being and a partner to do my Muscular Dystrophy Awareness Challenge with and maybe the sensory therapy thing. I'm not having any success with the dating sites I've tried. While I've made a few friends, I haven't found anyone who I feel a romantic connection with. This is the toughest thing I've ever done, not counting certain medical decisions. One thing I haven’t tried yet is asking a woman in person. I haven't had the opportunity to do so either. I have to put myself out there and meet new people, especially women. I'm afraid to DM any of my single Facebook friends on Facebook, as it would likely be inappropriate. All I want is someone to spend time and do fun stuff with. Someone I can love, respect, and appreciate. I know I can do it and I really want to get the chance to... I don’t want to be alone forever. I’m not getting younger, plus Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is a terminal illness and I’ve outlived my life expectancy by 20 years. I don’t plan ongoing anywhere, soon, but you’ll never know. The time we have is short and uncertain. I really want to experience having a girlfriend before it’s too late. I think that’s what many of us in the disabled community want.
Thank you so much for reading!
*The Information in this blog was gathered from the websites below as well as some assistance from Chat GPT
https://www.sunrisemedical.com/livequickie/blog/january-2020/disability-dating-myths
https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1048707/top-five-myths-about-dating-someone-with-a-physical-disability/
https://chat.openai.com/auth/login
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