Open Heart, Open Mind: Interabled Relationships and Dating Me💘

Hi everyone, I want to talk about "Interabled Relationships" and what it would be like to date me.

 

An interabled relationship is a romantic partnership between a person with a disability and someone without one. These relationships are becoming increasingly common, challenging societal misconceptions about disability and demonstrating that love transcends physical limitations. Like any relationship, interabled couples support each other in various ways, with the non-disabled partner often providing physical assistance, while the disabled partner may offer unique perspectives and emotional support. 

 

Interabled relationships can foster greater empathy, patience, and understanding in both partners. They often require clear and open communication, which can strengthen the overall bond. These partnerships celebrate diversity, promote personal growth, and can help break down traditional gender roles, especially in caregiving dynamics. While interabled relationships may face unique challenges, they are fundamentally similar to any other romantic partnership, built on love, mutual respect, and shared experiences. 

 

Relationships are unique, and each person brings their own set of experiences to the table. As someone living with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, I want to share what a relationship with me will look like. In this post, I'll provide an honest look at the pros and cons, my expectations, and some distinctive features that characterize a relationship with me. Whether you're curious about dating someone with a disability or simply interested in understanding different relationship dynamics, this breakdown will give you a clear picture of what to expect when dating me. My goal is to offer a candid glimpse into my world and how I approach relationships.

 

A Relationship with Me: What would it be like?

PROS:

• I'm not controlling, and not much makes me uncomfortable, so you can do whatever you want.

• I'd treat you with respect.

• I'd show you the love and affection you deserve.

• I'd tell you that I love you and that you are beautiful.

• I'd never abuse you emotionally or physically because I can't and I wouldn't anyway.

• You can experience road trips across the country with me.

• We'd go out as much as you want.

• We'd stay in as much as you want.

• Anywhere you want to go, we'll go.

• I enjoy the outdoors.

• I will never cheat on you.

• I don't mind cuddling or public displays of affection. I might need a little help with cuddling, but I'm sure I would love it.

• It would be about you.

• I have a great dark sense of humor and will absolutely make you laugh.

• My disability doesn't slow me down much, so we would still be able to do a lot.

• I'm great with children, and they are usually fascinated by me and like to be around me. 

 

CONS:

• The most obvious is that I'm physically disabled.

• I don't have a job, but I am on Social Security Disability.

• Certain aspects of the relationship, such as sexual contact, might be a little more challenging. However, this doesn't mean I'm not open to it.

 

What I expect:

Absolutely nothing aside from the basic relationship parts. We show each other respect and stay faithful. Actually, there's one other thing: I expect open communication. If something I do bothers you, please tell me so we can discuss it and I can address it. Also, if I ever tell you I don't want you doing something that you want to do or enjoy doing (that's more than likely never going to happen, lol), I want you to question my reasoning, and if the reason isn't rational, then you do it anyway. 

 

The only request I have is I'd like to do the shaving cream challenge with you as much as we can and engage in the similar sensory therapy activity occasionally. These are fun, bonding experiences that I enjoy. Otherwise, whatever you want to do is fine by me.

Companionships: What are they?💘

Hi everyone,

The topic of my last blog post was dating and disabilities. I stated I was seeking a female partner, more for companionship than for a romantic relationship. I want to explain the concept of companionship and what it entails.

Introduction

Companionship is a close and supportive bond between individuals, involving shared activities and emotional support. This blog post explores the dynamic nature of companionships, delving into their potential for emotional connections, romantic gestures, and shared experiences. 

Companionships: Beyond Definitions

A companionship goes beyond the usual understanding of relationships, becoming a platform for emotional and romantic dimensions. These relationships, built on friendship and understanding, create strong emotional bonds and can include romantic gestures and physical closeness.

Shared Experience: The Heartbeat of Companionships

• Casual Conversation

Conversations are essential to companionships, whether they involve small talk or lengthy discussions on various subjects.

• Outdoor Activities

Engaging in outdoor activities like walking, hiking, and biking allows for shared moments in nature.

• Dining Out

Strengthen the bond through shared cooking experiences or dining out at restaurants.

• Movie Nights

Whether at home or in a theater. Cinematic experiences can strengthen the bond and can create engaging conversations about the film.

• Traveling

From local destinations to long road trips and other extensive vacations, adventures in new places leave a lasting impact.

• Games and Hobbies

Engaging in shared hobbies like video games, board games, and sports creates joyful moments and builds bonds.

• Attending Events

From concerts to sports events, shared cultural experiences enhance companionships.

• Supportive Moments

Through both tough and happy times, companions offer constant emotional support and celebrate together.

• Volunteering

Involvement in community service fosters a stronger sense of purpose in a companionship.

• Relaxing Together

The foundation of intimate companionships lies in quiet moments of gaming, reading, music, watching TV and movies, or simple togetherness.

Characteristics of Companionships

• Shared Activities

Activities provide a pathway for shared memories and experiences.

• Partnership

Companionships involve active participation from both parties, creating a sense of partnership.

• Diverse Duration

The duration of companionships can differ greatly, ranging from brief and casual to deep and enduring connections.

• Practical Aspects

Shared goals or activities enhance companionships.

• Structured Expectations

Different companionships may have different levels of structure and expectations.

• Common Purpose

Companionships can be based on a shared purpose or goal, such as working together or pursuing common interests.

Conclusion

Companionships that are built on shared activities and emotional bonds are difficult to define precisely. The bond between individuals in companionships is fortified through diverse experiences and shared narratives. The simple yet remarkable joy of being together allows companionships to thrive, establishing their significance as cherished connections in the complexity of human relationships.

Disabled Dating: Myths and Assumptions💘

Hi everyone,

I'd like to talk about dating for people who are physically disabled.

Dating for anyone is hard, but it's much harder for those with a disability, especially if they are seeking someone who is able-bodied. Unfortunately, there are so many assumptions and myths about dating someone disabled that seem to turn people who aren't disabled off to even considering an inter-abled relationship. I'm going to discuss some of these myths and assumptions and attempt to debunk them all. Hopefully I can sway peoples opinions and make inter-abled relationships more common. Whether a short or long term relationship or a companionship(which I'm seeking for the moment) or you know even just a friendship. So here we go!

• We can't have sex

The most common myth is that we are limited in intimacy and cannot have a fulfilling sex life. This just isn't true! Great sex is possible if you have a body and a brain. The media often presents a distorted image of how sex should be, featuring people with perfect bodies engaging in intense pornographic acts. This negatively affects everyone, disabled or not. Creative thinking, imagination, and good communication are the key ingredients for a satisfying sex life, and they are accessible to all.

• Disabled people are incapable of love

Of all the myths, this is absolutely the most untrue. Dismissing the ability of a disabled person to love and care for a partner perpetuates harmful stereotypes. Physical ability does not limit the emotional capacity of individuals with disabilities to express love and affection. In fact, individuals with disabilities might even demonstrate it better than those without disabilities. Our only desire is to receive love and affection.

• Our disability is a burden

Some able-bodied people might see the disability and assume they will be required to tolerate unreasonable burdens or responsibilities. This is also an untrue assumption. Having a disability is not a burden. Many people with disabilities can fulfil their own basic needs without help. Assistance from loved ones and caregivers is necessary not only for individuals with disabilities, but also for members of the able-bodied community who require support in different ways. Those with disabilities can provide emotional support, compassion, and companionship to their partners. Relationships involving disability are no different from able relationships as they require mutual effort.

• Dating someone with a disability will be boring

There's a common belief that individuals with disabilities can't take part in fun activities such as travel, concerts, and festivals. This is FALSE. People with disabilities may have different needs or may use different supports to take part in fun activities, but they can enjoy the same things that able-bodied people enjoy. Like any group of people, people with disabilities are diverse, and they approach life from many perspectives.

• Dating with a disability is awkward

Not true. Dating with a disability can feel awkward, but that's just a common experience in the dating world in general. While disabilities may lead to early candid conversations, they don't have to be the determining factor in the comfort level between two individuals. People with disabilities are as varied and multi-faceted as able-bodied people. They have hopes, dreams, families, hobbies, jobs, and responsibilities. There's so much more to discuss aside from disability and illness.

• People with disabilities are more likely to get offended

This is not true. When it comes to educating others about their conditions, many people with disabilities have a great sense of humor and patience. Sometimes, people without disabilities worry about accidentally miscommunicating or offending those with disabilities, but overly cautious language is usually unnecessary. While it’s important to be as respectful and kind as possible, people with disabilities don’t need the people around them to walk on eggshells.

• It's not possible for people with disabilities to have normal dates

This is not true. People with disabilities enjoy the same things as able-bodied people, including dating. People with disabilities can engage in common date activities, such as going to a movie, sporting event, or fancy restaurant. Sometimes, accommodations need to be made. For example, a person with mobility restrictions may need to park closer to the cinema door, or someone who lives with food restrictions may opt for a date that doesn’t involve a meal. These choices are simple and do not destroy the possibility of a great new relationship.

• We can only date within the disabled community

Many people think that individuals with disabilities can only be in relationships with others who have similar disabilities. This is untrue. A shared understanding of disability isn't necessary for a healthy relationship. People with disabilities have full identities. They can find mutual interests and fall in love with able-bodied people as well as other people with disabilities.

• It's not easy for people with disabilities to meet new people

This is not true either. Just like able-bodied individuals, people with disabilities have fulfilling and diverse lives. They engage in education, work, volunteer activities, and hobbies. People with disabilities are more than capable of meeting new people, in the same ways and places that able-bodied people would do so.

• There's no one out there for us

Sadly, many people with disabilities worry that there’s no one out there for them, but this is untrue. Disability does not need to be a barrier to finding true love, as many people with disabilities have successfully dated. Although finding meaningful connections can be difficult, disability should not be a barrier to finding a soulmate with billions of potential matches.

People in general often struggle with dating, but having a disability doesn't, nor should it, affect one's potential to find true love. Having an open mind and self-confidence is crucial for finding a good, healthy relationship.



Recently, I began looking for someone of my own. I’m just looking for a companionship with a woman, at least for the time being and a partner to do my Muscular Dystrophy Awareness Challenge with and maybe the sensory therapy thing. I'm not having any success with the dating sites I've tried. While I've made a few friends, I haven't found anyone who I feel a romantic connection with. This is the toughest thing I've ever done, not counting certain medical decisions. One thing I haven’t tried yet is asking a woman in person. I haven't had the opportunity to do so either. I have to put myself out there and meet new people, especially women. I'm afraid to DM any of my single Facebook friends on Facebook, as it would likely be inappropriate. All I want is someone to spend time and do fun stuff with. Someone I can love, respect, and appreciate. I know I can do it and I really want to get the chance to... I don’t want to be alone forever. I’m not getting younger, plus Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy is a terminal illness and I’ve outlived my life expectancy by 20 years. I don’t plan ongoing anywhere, soon, but you’ll never know. The time we have is short and uncertain. I really want to experience having a girlfriend before it’s too late. I think that’s what many of us in the disabled community want.



Thank you so much for reading!



*The Information in this blog was gathered from the websites below as well as some assistance from Chat GPT

https://www.sunrisemedical.com/livequickie/blog/january-2020/disability-dating-myths

https://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1048707/top-five-myths-about-dating-someone-with-a-physical-disability/

https://chat.openai.com/auth/login

My Sundays with Kayla

Hi everyone, I would like to tell you about someone who is one of the most important people in my life and my favorite person ever. My friend Kayla. I love her very much, and she means the world to me. She will forever hold a special place in my heart for as long as I live. I want to take a moment to share with you why she is so special and how she has impacted my life.

When I think of Kayla, the first word that comes to mind is caring. She's kind, open-minded, and fun, with a big heart. Her family, especially her sister and kids, love her dearly. They'd probably describe her as kind and loving, just like I do. Kayla is a beautiful person, both inside and out. Her kind eyes and warm smile reflect her caring nature. She has some interesting tattoos and piercings that reflect her unique style.

How We Met 

On January 2nd, 2019, a cold New England winter day, I met my friend Kayla. I had been living with my trach for about two months already and was recovering at a pretty rapid pace, but I still wasn't talking much yet. The healthcare agency, Bayada, had called us to say they were sending out a new aide named Kayla. I thought it was a little odd that they were sending an aide, as aides weren't really supposed to do anything with the trach, but we agreed to the meet and greet visit.

Around 6 pm that night, a red late-model Chevrolet Tahoe pulled into the driveway and parked behind my conversion van. My mom went to the door and let Kayla in. I was positioned in my living room where my front door was behind me, so I couldn't see people who came in until they entered the room. The first thing I heard was a very sweet, friendly young voice saying, "Hello, I'm Kayla. It's nice to meet you."

I should mention that I still wasn't able to speak yet, so I couldn't respond. When Kayla entered the room, I saw she was a pretty woman, about 5'2", with beautiful eyes behind her glasses. I mouthed "hi," and she smiled. This girl gave off really good vibes and seemed like an absolute sweetheart. I liked her pretty much right away.

Kayla told us about herself: she was 28 and had two kids, a twin sister, and a brother. We later learned that she had just returned from a trip to South Africa to visit family. This international connection added an interesting dimension to her background. We told her about us and what led to me getting a tracheostomy. After a few hours of the meet and greet, Kayla had to leave. Before she did, I showed her my Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy shaving cream challenge video, and she said it looked very comfortable. I asked her if she would like to do it before she went home, and I could tell she was hoping I would ask because she seemed excited.

Without hesitation, Kayla agreed to try the challenge. My mom told her to take off her shoes and socks and got everything ready. Kayla also had a beautiful star tattoo on her leg, which I thought was really cool. My mom brought out the tub filled with shaving cream and the cue card, and we filmed Kayla doing the challenge. She loved it, saying, "It feels good!" and laughing a little.

This encounter marked the beginning of a close friendship, as Kayla ended up working for us for almost four years. Over those years, Kayla and I became close friends, forming a strong bond. I met her kids and her twin sister, and we all developed a strong connection.

Shared Experiences and Memorable Moments

Kayla and I share many interests. We both love horror movies, country music, Ram trucks, and dark humor. One of our favorite activities is the Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy challenge, where we put our feet in shaving cream. Kayla really enjoys this, often saying the shaving cream feels super soft and smooth on her feet. Her kids love participating in this challenge too, making it a fun family activity. We've made it a tradition to do this challenge on holidays.

We also occasionally do a sensory therapy challenge together, where we put our feet in various soft and squishy textures. Kayla loves this challenge as well, and it's become a therapeutic and enjoyable experience for both of us, though we only do it on rare occasions.

I really enjoy our Sundays together. Spending time with Kayla and her kids is the highlight of my week. Her daughter is here almost every time and loves coming with her mom. She and I have a lot of fun either watching Disney movies, doing holiday challenge videos, laughing at ridiculous things, or watching me play video games, which I'm careful about choosing because she is still a child. Her son's visits are just as fun, even though he doesn't come as often. I always try to find fun things for us to do, and often my mom plays games with them. We've made so many great memories so far, including birthdays, family gatherings, and Kayla even came to an MD walk once. Every Sunday she drives an hour and a half from Westport, MA, to Yarmouthport, MA, and will get here either on time or a little early. She's been doing this for nearly four years, which really impresses me. She surprised me once after Valentine's Day in 2022 when she came down on a Monday just to put her feet in fluffy pink shaving cream for a Valentine's-themed challenge.

Looking Back and Forward

Kayla has become one of my closest friends, and I hope we can spend more time together in the future. Our friendship demonstrates how meaningful connections can form in unexpected ways, even in challenging circumstances. We've shared both laughter and tears, which has strengthened our bond. I'm grateful to Kayla for being a great friend and PCA, and for supporting me through my challenges. Her presence has made a positive impact on my life.

Update

I was writing this blog post and then forgot about it when I went to Yellowstone. I hadn't finished it before something unexpected happened: Kayla quit. On November 20, 2022, about 19 months ago (or a little over a year and a half), Kayla reluctantly gave her two weeks' notice and had to end her employment with us for personal reasons. It was absolutely devastating to both of us because she didn't want to leave; she thought she would be here forever, and we had become family. She truly enjoyed her time spent with us. I went to bed in tears that night and couldn't sleep. I understood why she had to leave, but it still sucked, to put it lightly. This was a difficult time for us, as Kayla had become such an integral part of our lives. I really miss hanging out with her every Sunday, and I'm hopeful that one day she might come back to work for us again as a PCA. It would be wonderful to resume our weekly traditions and conversations.

If I could relive one day with Kayla, it's a tough choice because I would relive any day with her and her family. Those were some of the happiest days in my life. But if I had to choose, it would be her last day as my PCA. It was a difficult day, but I wish I could have expressed my appreciation for her friendship and care more clearly. I also would try my best to convince her to reconsider ending her employment with us because I didn't want her to go, and I would say whatever I could to get her to stay. There are things I wish I'd said that I can only discuss in person, and I hope I get the chance to do so someday.

Kayla has been a significant part of my life, and I'm thankful for every moment we've shared, even the challenging ones. Whether as a PCA or just as a good friend, I look forward to the possibility of creating more great memories together in the future.